For What It's Worth

My wife died in June and my life has fallen apart. I have tried to pick up the pieces but it all soon crumbles.

I took a massive overdose of sleeping pills in July, unfortunately all I did was sleep.

I desperately want to leave this earth and go to be with my wife, but my survival instincts say get help.

So I have been to my GP twice and all he says is get over it.

I have phoned the local Community Mental Health Team three times but no one is ever available to talk, and they never phone back like they say they will.

I am not going to be an attention getter with 'false' suicide attempts, its not my style - so what am I supposed to do?

Perhaps I should just get on with it and stop worrying about whats right or wrong.

the mind that is.

Take suicidal thoughts for instance. You want to commit suicide, its not an attention getting thing, its just cos life is pointless.

But then, your mind tells you to call the Samaritans, the mental health crisis centre. But if you phone them you will most likely be talked out of it. But you dont want to be talked out of it because it makes sense and its really what you want.
So the fight NOT to call them takes over the fight to do it and when you have resolved the not to call battle, you are too damned knackered to do it now anyway and just wanna sleep. WTF!!!!!

I found myself in Asda. Now I admit it is a risky business, but I took that risk and had lunch there. I must admit the food was as lot tastier than the last time I took such a risk - would have been better if they had cooked it tho. No seriously, the only problem was that it was stone cold!!

However, whilst I was sitting there sucking on a cold chip, and bear in mind dear reader that this was at 1 o'clock with queues stretching back to the digital photos machines (out of order), cameras, ipods and sat nav display, a woman was in the queue with three children. 2 of the little shits darlings were about 3 years old and the other was about 11.
Now imagine the scene, a queue half a superstore long, she must have queued at least 20 minutes and what does she do when she gets to the servery? She asks the little bastards sweethearts what they would like for dinner!!!!!

For those that have had children you can imagine the ensuing chaos. For those that havent consider yourselves very blessed and keep your legs crossed!!

She asked them what they wanted!!!!!! 15 minutes later she manages to find a table - thats right - she hadnt even sent the lad ahead to scout out a free table!!!! She was either a very inexperienced babysitter or she had blancmange for brains!!

Anyway, back to the story, So I get fed up after ten minutes of her asking the kids what they want and them being undecided and probably not really wanting anything (cos they have had Asda food before) and I go up to her. "Listen missus" I say "you dont ask kids what they want when the queue is half a superstore long, you tell them, you should know their likes and dislikes and you just order them what they are gonna have. The only choice they have is take it or leave it". I went on, "you should also have decided these things as soon as the menu was in sight. Now, give em a clip round the ear tell em to go and sit down on just one table and order their fiffin food." I got a round of applause from the rest of the queue and the diners and they had a quick whip round for me.

Eventually peace reigned. Talk about wooly minded liberals tho!!

By the way the last big paragraph is total bollocks but it is what I felt like doing and only my steak and mushroom pie (without any mushroom) held me back.

for my last flat. It was a satellite extension lead because the installation didnt extend to where I wanted the box.

Can you believe it is about 2 feet short for where I want it to use it now?? !!!!

and they do not include going out!!!!

I have so much stuff to do at home I MUST NOT GO OUT TODAY!!!!!!

ok you gambling folks - 2-1 says I will be out of the house and down the road before midday and its evens I dont even last till 10am!!!

You can guarantee that:
1. My plans never work out
2. I will get completely diverted and be pleased to be so
3. I will then complain that my housework never gets done
4. I will get depressed and go to bed for the rest of the day.

Will today be any different? I doubt it, but we can always hope!

I met some of my neighbours yesterday:
Them: hello dere man
Me: Hi, I'm Terry by the way, moved in last week.
Them: Yea man, we bin seeing you
Me: Yea? I guess I get out and about a bit
Them: What you doing man?
Me: What now? Just got back from Asda - its gotta be done.
Them: no man, I mean what you doing?
Me: Going in my flat - by the way did I say my name is Terry?
Them: Yea Terry, ok man, be cool.

What the f*** was all that about?

Later in the day (when I went to Argos) I came out of my flat to find about 50 (I presume Muslims) men lined up along the road, between parked cars, on the pavement and in the middle of the road, all facing the same way, some had flip flops on and some didnt. Some were standing, some kneeling, and I thought I was in the middle of al qaeda convention.
I am very grateful I dont live in one of the houses the were facing. I probably wouldnt have gone out or else armed myself with my frying pan and the poached egg pan and leapt out like a wailing banshee!!

It is certainly gonna be interesting living here. I am the only white englishman in the street. I feel like I have moved into the United Nations Relief Camp.

Well lets see what the day holds - catch up with you all later.

and they didnt have what I wanted so now I have to go to Argos. Do I spend £1.50 on petrol driving to outoftown store or do I spend 50p petrol and £1 car park going to city centre?
That is the sort of dilemma that puts me right in a top spin!! I would normally ponder that for days but as I have already prevaricated for a week on getting these items and I cant tidy up properly without them I really must decide.
Out of town store means wear and tear on the car, city store and car park means wear and tear on nerves. Car is on last wheels so to speak, nerves are already shot and in as relative bad condition as the car.

You see the dilemma? it is so difficult to make these fiffin decisions.

Ah, it would be 30 mins drive to out of town store and an hour to get parked in city centre. So a round trip of 1 hour versus a round trip of 2 hours.

OK - out of town wins on time. But I dont want to go all that way just for the shelving bits for my bathroom what else is there?

Comet! They got some nice new compys in - now the 1 hour round trip for £1.50 has turned into a 3 hour round trip for ££400.50 aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh

installed at my new flat, and am very pleased about it!!!!

Yup, Virgin media cable broadband, phone and TV!!

I have so missed cable. I had it at all my previous addresses until 3 years ago when I moved from Devon to Aldershot and have had to wait until now to be able to get it again. I had cable for about 13 years from when it was first installed in Torquay until Virgin took over and I moved to Hampshire in about 2006 or 7.
The reason I love cable so much? Because in the entire 12/13 years I had it I never had ANY trouble at all.
Now compare that with my BT line!!!! nuff said?

Virgin is the ONLY alternative to BT (unless you start talking about local wireless systems such as they got I believe in parts of Wales and Scotland). It doesnt matter which ISP you got, they ALL use BT lines.

Which is why I am surprised that BT is allowed to claim better connections and service, and gets so many awards for their service!!

Right, off to Asda, cya laters.

that was!! Have been very busy all week with Drs and hospital appointments for the missus, babysitting kids etc etc etc..

Even today is not a day off. Daughter has gone on holiday seeing it is half term and we are left to feed the cats!! twenty mile round trip each time to do so !!

Where did I get the idea that being a grandparent was fun? It is a myth!!

I have decided not to spend hours each week tending the garden. Calming and relaxing it may be, it is certainly expensive though. I have decided to have a completely artificial garden.
Yes indeedy. I am going to save up a couple of hundred quid and buy a whole load of artificial flowers and plant them in decorative (non-terracotta) pots around the garden. Then I will save a further £300 and will swap the mossy grass for astro-turf!!
That's the way to do it!!

We already have a selection of beautiful tits (no not you missus ) visiting the garden and feeding from the seed and nuts. Its just such a shame that gardening stuff is so expensive - want it now!!

Right time to go feed the cats - cya later folks!!

that one is a Sainsbury shopper (complete with Nectar card) one would just like to assure my friends that nothing need change between us.

Of course one may have to make an appointment with one's Secretary to find a window to speak in (or is it through?) but nothing need change. One does have to take off ones shoes before entering the house proper of course. Only to be expected though - one cant have any old shoes tramping across one's genuine lookalike sheepskin shaggy pile can one complete with authentic label).

When you call James may answer the telephone, but be assured you will be speaking through my BT (or is it Betacom) cream coloured telephone with answering machine.

If one can find the right window we can have tea at the appropriate time of day alternatively one can often be found luxuriating inone of the faux leather settees at the instore Starbucks at the local sainsburys store.

Now stop your chattering and back to work good people.

when I got back in the house from doing my weekly shop !!

Yes indeedy. My local Sainsburys opens at 7am for those,like myself, who do not like to shop amongst the riff raff of the world.

Hadn't I mentioned it before? Oh yes, one now does one's shopping at Sainsburys. It is our only local supermarket apart from a rip-off co-op, likewise Londis and a Spar.

One had to throw out the old Tesco and Lidl bags - shame because the Lidl were the best of all - really strong!

We did pop into Waitrose and purchase a couple of their 'heavy duty' bags (rubbish really) and likewise with sainsburys.

One does still pop into Asda once a month for the cheap tobacco, Pepsi Max (when it is on offer) and a few other bits and pieces, but the car is parked at the far end of the car park and we usually wait till about 10pm when the store is pretty clear.

Not that one doesn't want to be seen in such a place - just that, erm, er, one doesnt like crowds - that's it!!

I want to go to Argos later and get a rice cooker. They have one at £9.99.

It is ok-ish to shop at Argos - but not buy a half price Cookworks item!! Maybe I could put my dark glasses on.

Anyway - doze time - cya latter