The Prime Minister and Home Secretary are this weekend cobbling together a plan to stop the proliferation of knife attacks and killings. These measures will be announced on Monday.
So here is my prediction for a news report on Wednesday:
Newsreader:
After another four men are stabbed to death in London, are we right to worry that knife crime is becoming an epidemic?
It is the scourge of our cities, according to many observers, with each day seeming to bring a new fatal attack.
Twenty teenagers have now died violently in London since the start of the year, including some at the hands of guns and other weapons.
Prime Minister:
Er excuse me er there havent been any stabbings this week, and nor will there be.
Newsreader:
But just yesterday, outside this very building a 16 year old was stabbed and died and outside your own office in Downing Street an asian was killed by stabbing.
Prime Minister:
Er er er, no, actually, erm er, the there was an incident outside this office erm erm but I am reliably informed it was a juvenile altercation with fervour and the dispute outside my own office was inter racial conflict with dissolution of life.
Am I treating this subject too lightheartedly?
I dont think so. The point is that government solves nothing except by reclassifying offences so they make criminal statistics appear better. It is a normal trait of the labourous prattus genus who have more fraudulent, misleading circuitous verbiage than a spinning top!
grumpus
Pro 
Too right, Norm! My predictions for Monday's announcement are:-
1) Yet another new government department, staffed by incompetent nincompoops, to consider how we might find ways of dealing with knife and gun crime without offending any ethnic group. Ooops, is it alright to say ethnic?
2) Millions of pounds of taxpayers money to be "invested" in "consultants" at £1,500 an hour, to devise systems for dealing with all the extra paperwork.
3) Lord "X" to chair a committee of MPs and other overpaid idiots to come up with a £6,000,000 report, containing unworkable ideas which will be largely ignored.
4) The government to bring forward early release of murderers and paedophiles to create prison places for teenage thugs caught carrying knives and guns, who can't show good reasons for doing so or promise to leave them at home as long as "get respeck!"
5) The police to get extra powers to "ask nicely" if they see a bunch of hoodies slouching down the street in a menacing manner, chucking litter, shouting, kicking shit out of old people and street furniture, "Anyone got any knives or anything lads?"
6) And finally, we must all realise, that the real victims are the gangs of youths, roaming our streets because they and their parents don't get enough money on benefits, can't get jobs because education wasn't made easy enough for them and society has made them thick and unemployable.